Personal Narrative: My Internship At Marys Place Refuge

Wednesday, October 20, 2021 5:56:13 PM

Personal Narrative: My Internship At Marys Place Refuge

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She further blamed her medical care providers for not second-guessing her stated desire to have an abortion. Two other women spoke about abusive home lives and peppered their narratives with so much talk about Jesus and God that it was difficult to follow their arguments supporting the legislation. Throughout the hearing there was a subtle yet powerful undercurrent of misogyny, made all the more poignant by the fact that all who spoke were women. I kept wondering why nobody appeared to testify about the detrimental medical and psychological affects on women being coerced into carrying a pregnancy against her will by religious organizations and coercive parents and partners.

I wondered who was going to point out that access to actual domestic abuse services, as opposed to religious indoctrination services, is being undermined by lack of funding and support. My heart went out to the women who related their personal traumas. In the end, I found myself wondering how much of the damage they sustained was due to relationship abuse and religious indoctrination and how much was the result of a medical procedure. All four of them spoke of looking forward to post-mortem reunions with their children in heaven. Rebecca Kemble is an Anthropologist who studied decolonization in Kenya.

The Progressive Inc. Skip to main content. Home The Latest Wis. Back to Search Results. It helped put a lot of what was happening into perspective. Thank you for this. Not that he has issues with anger and disrespect that he should address. And what is it with this 10 years shit. It is always ten years. Maybe it just seems that way because so many marriages end at the 20ish year mark, and they just choose half the marriage as the starting point.

Not joking — her twu wuv is a gardener so it all makes sense now. Tuesday is closer. Everyone hates that. Of course! What was I thinking? This explains their refusal to actually address and problems in the marriage, or to help us manage the trauma of the betrayal: the implosion of our personalities is a feature, not a bug. I brought that up during the 8 month pick me dance. You mean when we were able to be selfish because we had no responsibilities? We have the ability to make a choice every day, THIS is the person you want to be? You have no idea how much I highlighted because I recognized it in my own life. Yes, and had you not found Chump Lady you would likely still be blaming yourself, or, at least, questioning whether you should be.

Read Private Lies and Grow Up! Frank Pittman. Smart experienced people like Chump Lady spelling out the truth and cutting through the BS is necessary medicine for chumps. Too many people still think of cheating like they think of mini skirts causing rape, unfortunately. Blame shifting par excellence. You know, emotionally abusing his wife and kids, being selfish and inattentive. Cheating on his wife and thereby endangering her health. Physically attacking his wife a couple of times, in front of his children.

Abandoning his children when he left his wife, twice. Lots of problematic behavior. Kudos to Mary, first poster on this thread — well said! In time, each of us comes to the conclusion that there are people in this world that are not emotionally healthy and cannot sustain a relationship. With eyes now wide open, our lesson is learned, and we navigate the world with rose color glasses removed.

Redirect your energy away from these predators and onto worthy ambitions of better objectives. This site and LACGAL have been an excellent resource along the way, as are the many guys and gals who share your stories and lead others away from darkness into the light. This FW sounds like a child. As I was reading, it was truly like an 8 year old wrote it. Now I see this stuff and hope Lori got out ok and was able to move on. And that cheater FW is dumb as a brick.

You are right. Going through this has given me my own rudimentary and definitely not as eloquent UBT. I was watching a reality show and I always thought that one of the people was a FW. There is only 1 season and I have seen it quite a bit but this time it really did not sit right with me. He publicly and repeatedly made jokes amongst other people about their lack of sex but never attributed it to him being out of the home for the majority of the year. It reminded me of my own life. Clearly now, I see that he was with an OW but I did not then.

What I finally pieced together this weekend is that if your spouse complains about your lack of sex life in front of others and not to you in private but is the main cause of it, they are not warning you that they are dissatisfied- they are most likely already cheating and setting you up as the fall guy. Like the FW of the post, it is always your fault- not theirs. I feel dumb for just now getting this. An email from Lovely Art High School! The problem still remained that I read the school email and the solution is that I send the email rather than read it. Divorce is a good thing. Cheating and lying are the symptoms of a seriously screwed up person. Trust that. So familiar. So again the issue was that I refused to be friends, not that he was a lying asshole who was trying to screw me into poverty.

I would like to say it was quick thinking, but honestly both statement were one hundred percent true. I was raised to believe that I would be known by who I chose as friends, and that asshole flew right under my radar. Oh yes. I am not allowed to read klootzak an email or part of an article or anything. The point in reading it to him was to open a conversation about X thing. So I stopped reading anything to him at all and since some of the information was in posts from friends on social media, he missed out hearing about social events and all kinds if things. When I got here, I wanted to start discussing things, I was overwhelmed by everything and not very stable. He wanted me to be nice, so he could play nice, and everything would be nice hopeful his abuse slip into oblivium, like it had so many times before Discussing the real issues?

My ex was -living- with his OW and had the sads scrawled all over MySpace gods that was so long ago lol because his wife had the gaul to -leave- him and file for divorce. The whole profile was literally blue and had this playlist of sad howling music right up to the day he married OW. A whole month after I was finally able to push the divorce finalization through. LOL How dare I react like a human being instead of smiling like a Stepford wife about him lying, cheating, and humiliating me. Same kind of logic.

My best friend and I have laughed about that for literal decades. Now we have something else insane and ridiculous to laugh about. I always was a day late and a dollar short with the idiot. Now I can finally put the past behind me and trust that he sucks way more than I ever thought possible. Funny how we are blamed for reacting like human beings should act when nasty things are done to them. What he wanted was a cessation to my feelings: anger, sadness etc. He had been lying to me and gaslighting me for 5 years. I was very angry at him for the horrible ways he had been treating me.

Trust me, I gave him plenty of opportunities to leave. Then I learned about the cheating, which was my deal breaker. He must have known that on some level because he went to crazy extents to hide it from me. And he never took the chance to leave when offered. Then I discovered the truth; the secret life. It all made sense. I even went back in time and found supporting documentation of the things he was doing behind my back whenever things were at the worst for us. Basically, he would find a new interest and begin to devalue me, to my face and online to others, the mistreatment would ramp up and I would have no clue what was going on, what had changed etc.

He liked treating me like crap, he liked having me around to some degree, he liked all of it. Maybe he even like the lying and sneaking around. Maybe he even liked the arguing. I was furious. They treat me nicely and we have fun together. I am valued and treated with respect and make friends with coworkers at every job I have. Truth is I did blow a gasket.

But I felt justified in blowing a gasket. Which meant that he never wanted to be held accountable for all of the shitty ways that he treated me. I wanted to not have been treated so terribly — which was impossible. My anger was my way of discharging some of the pain that I was feeling onto the person who was inflicting it upon me. It only sort of worked. The alternative would have been to keep it all to myself — which eventually I did once I realized that not only did it not cause him pain but he may have even been getting off on mine.

In retrospect, I wish I had just left. He could have treated me well not his mission I guess ; he could have left me and found someone he wanted to treat well and left me to find someone who would do the same for me. He wanted all of the perks but none of the work. He also wanted recognition for meeting basic expectations like showing up on time. Leaving him was the best thing for both of us. He needed to learn that you do in fact need to invest in something in order for you to achieve success in that thing. He was lazy AF with most things in his life even his job. I think in a way I was handicapping him by enduring his shitty behavior and not holding him accountable enough.

I was worried he would change for the next girl and it appears he did. Fun times. I think they want someone to be shitty to as an outlet for how they feel about themselves. Project that all right onto you. By you, they mean them. Then they can continue doing all the nasty things they are doing in secret and have you to emotionally slap around and pick up the pieces, terrified it really was you who did something to cause it. You were a good appliance. Barring a miracle personality transplant, maturity injections, lightning bolts from Thor his AP will be a good appliance too. If she gets sick of it, beware the hoover. When my daughter was little, her friend Olivia told her that she had a roller-skating pony.

Lori, I noticed a lot of the comments to this post include the ridiculous excuses for why they cheated. He would have cheated anyway. You could have become a Saint and he would have complained about your halo. This is all on him. Go no contact and say bye bye to this schmuck! Welcome aboard Todd! This site saved me. I just wish I would have found it sooner. I have reached meh but still have bad days. I also hope my experiences can help someone else.

Its nice to be among people who know exactly how you feel. Sorry you got mixed up with a fuckwit. Awesome Lori and Damnit! Thanks for the encouragement. Been paying a counselor and still felt ashamed, then , 60 minutes here and I see the path. I suspect a little of both? I was personally humiliated by being cheated on. It made me feel so foolish. It made me feel like everyone around me was laughing at me. Read through some of Chumpladys archives. The first couple of years, in my opinion are some of the best articles. I had two different affair partners get a job at my workplace in order to stalk me. You are the sane person trying to deal with insanity. Welcome, Todd. Sorry you need us but glad that you found us. Almost half the readers here are men, though we tend to lurk more and post less.

Wishing you strength and peace. Todd, I was so gaslit by my XW I was no longer sure the earth was round. I found this blog and discovered story after story of the EXACT same tactics, techniques, deceptions, words and phrases, and actions that my XW was utilizing. Its like they all read the same Cheater Handbook. Like Nomar said, mostly females post, but plenty of male chumps lurk. It reminds me of the time when I had to go to couples therapy to work on my communication issues. We were not going to talk about why he wanted a divorce out of the blue, and we were not going to try and work on our marriage and avoid a divorce.

We needed to work on my tone of voice and my nasty anger issues instead. Oh yeah, he went there. It just makes me shudder- to think he could be here! He has never set foot on my little property, and I like it. Done and dusted with conman, yuk! After all I went through, I came to see that solid relationships are honest. You hurt me, and I say so. I hurt you, you say so. We work on the rough edges and keep the relationship exclusive.

But a major breach? My ex initiated the divorce process, and at the second appointment, my wonderful attorney told me that I was going to have to toughen up because he was expecting a fight. After it was all over, I could go back to being nice. After signing, we were expecting more of a fight in closeout, and indeed there was. Once that was all over and paid for, I knew without a doubt that it all had to be. Nice or not, my ex is not someone I want in my life. The ex-FW compared his devastation at me dumping him with my devastation by his betrayal.

The man was blown up in a gas explosion as a teen, and my giving him consequences was his worst trauma? The timing of that is great — his petty-ass being pissed for something that was between my daughter and her dad had zero to do with him. Then later he claimed I was too worried about political things and that changed our relationship. Uh yeah, he started the affair long before any of that. I finally got to Tuesday last week. I considered if I still need to check the blog. And I do. Yes I admit I was nasty to him. The guilt was huge until I understood I was reacting to his abuse. It made me think about multiple visions as if a situation was floating in space, and being viewed from different angles. Then your vision is changed, forever.

The change is incremental, and moves at a snails pace. Geena Davis talked about the movie Thelma, and Louise, one of my all time favorites and the talk about this changes everything. Upon investigation a whole history of observations and feelings had been documented in the entertainment industry, all thinking that these numbers would change everything, decades before the movie. Me Too is the latest. Why is this industry so important? Because if we cannot see ourselves in the pictures, and stories, and entertainment venues of our culture, then we believe we are isolated, and perhaps an aberration. We do not exist in the world as important, if we are different.

We long to fit in our culture, and feel accepted and loved and a valued part of it. We cannot ever do this if we are quiet and accept being less than. So little girls are still risking their lives to go to school. And a thousand other things. What will it take to change everything? Sleepy with a deadly stranger instead of a beloved partner.. Nailed it. I actually look at pictures and do not recognize him at all. The dance is now over, after 7 months, and I see clearly. Woulda, shoulda, coulda. So glad I finally found all you Chumps..

The book changed my entire perspective on the fuckwit. Although I knew it before, I definitely now understand it. He is mentally unstable and needs some intense therapy. Best wishes and warmest regards to him. Which simply means……why are you grey rock. What she really means is…. You need to disavow yourself of that delusion immediately. I guess the pill that was the hardest for me to swallow is the people around me. Yes, I can talk to my close friends about what happened and why I do what I do now……….

Thanks, all you wreckonciliation sites who make us out to be the demons. I felt abandoned or unloved!!!!! The only way out was to send nudes and bang someone else….. I had no choice!!!!! Yes, yes it is….. Always because of my wonderfully innocent children. Beyond that….. Shovel the dirt on it for Smokey the Bears sake and start a new fire!!! Home About Archives Contact.

Have a nice day, Lori. This column ran previously. Support Me On Patreon! Next article: How to Be Mighty at a Wedding. Comments I think we would all like to believe that those who did us wrong will come clean on their own, admit their discretions, want forgiveness, will do what it takes to fix the situation and we will move forward. Chump Lady puts it wonderfully. Ux, you rock. That brain wiring of yours needs to be an exhibit at the Museum of Science! Same cocoanutcake! Thank God the madness has subsided and I can see how insane this stuff is! And so… fucking Schmoopie was supposed to help solve the problem… how again?

So mean. The little baby tantrums! What the actual hell is that about?? Know it well. If i had done it, I would be better off today. They are stuck at the moral development age of 2 years old. Midlife Club — Are Pegasus and Wednesday still there occasionally? Wednesday was not one of them. A couple gems my FW threw at me on his way out: — I reminded him to take the trash out on trash day. You did have significant marriage problems.

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